A Fallen Hero.

Today I saw a community’s love for a family, a parent’s love for their child, and a child’s love for his country. Today I saw the true meaning of the words sacrifice, duty, and love. I have never been more proud to be an American.

The first thing that struck me as I attended LnCpl Sharp’s funeral today was the amount of volunteers that had come out. As you drove into the parking lot of the church there were at least 100 motorcycles that lined the entrance. Most of them had American flags hanging from the back of their motorcycles, some had Marine flags. They were part of the Patriot Guard Riders. These guys are amazing, most of them Veterans themselves. As you made your way to the entrance of the church there were volunteers standing with large American Flags. The church was packed with those who had come out to pay their last respects. It was so full in fact they had to start seating people in the fellowship hall and were showing the service on a large screen.

The service was beautiful. Four preachers were there to tell their stories of LnCpl Sharp. They spoke about his faith and his love of his family. But mostly they spoke about his love of Country and the Marine Corps. After the service the procession took us 2.5 miles from the church to the graveside. Lining the streets that lead from the church were hundreds of American Flags being held by 100s of people. The men held their hats in their hands and children held their hands over their hearts. There were Veterans and Boy Scouts, Mothers and Daughters. All races… all ethnicities….. ALL Americans. Firefighter’s had arranged their fire trucks on either side of the road right before the entrance to the cemetery so that the ladders made an arch over the street and hanging from the ladders was an American Flag. It was the most amazing display of community I had ever seen. I sat in my car and wept. I was sad for the loss of one of our brave Marines, but mostly I was touched at the outpouring of love.

I had a chance to speak with the father and step mother of LnCpl Sharp. I told them that the thoughts and prayers of the entire 2/8 family are with them not only today, but for the weeks ahead and that I was so thankful to him for his service and his sacrifice.

In a world where pop stars and athletes dominate our news media, it is nice to know that the American people care so deeply for our troops. Please know that the sacrifices that our men and women are making for us everyday are not going unnoticed. I can honestly say that I am honored to be an American today. And I am so thankful to know that LnCpl Sharp is guarding heaven today and is watching over every Marine.

You know the job search is going slowly (read: badly) when your friends are sending you e-mails that start out like this:

Jen,

 

Okay, I am not insinuating that you are a lesbian at all, but I was trying to think of an avenue you could take with networking.

I need a job. I am drinking red bull and vodka at the pool in the middle of the day. While it sounds like a GREAT day, I am starting to go craaaaazzzy being at home. I want to be a productive member of society again. And yes, I hear you shouting "YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF!" But hey... a girl gets to whine every once in a while. It's the great thing about being a female.(and it keeps your complexion clear)

Ok... I will blog later about my "replacement theory" but for now... I am going back to my sun coma.. or is it my vodka coma. I guess one will never know!

Idolitry is the finest form of flattery??

I sent Meghan 3 separate e-mails last night gushing about my newest favorite author. As the night went on... they got progressively more desperate. By the time I decided I should stop sending e-mails they sounded something like this:

I have decided now that I have spent MANY hours reading Jen Lancaster's blog that I HAVE to find a way to be friends with her. I don't care that she is older than I am and lives in Chicago and probably has 1000s of crazy girls much like myself trying to be her BFF.

That's right.... I spent about 5 hours reading her blog going back into last year. (Yes, you can feel sad for me!)

Now, I am normally a very level headed young lady. I have never been so star struck by someone in all of my life. Of course I have had my celebrity crushes.... Leo, Josh Hartnett, McDreamy.... but my girl crush is different. This chick gets me!

Her writing sounds just like my inner monologue. She is witty and sarcastic, just like I dream myself to be. She can be crass and loving in the same sentence. She is not perfect and she is the first one to call herself out on it.

When I first quit my job, I had a lot of time to read. Only I didn't have anything to read. I had just finished reading the Twilight series and I was ruined on books. I loved the series so much that I read all 2700 pages in about a week. (I'm not ashamed) I didn't think I would ever find a book I loved as much as those books. I contemplated reading other vampire books, but they all seemed chintzy. I bought book after book looking for one I couldn't put down. I wanted a book that I could tell Meghan about. (She is always finding the good stuff first. It was my turn damn it)

Sidenote: I LOVE Borders Books. They are always having sales on really good books. Now if they would just pair with Starbucks, instead of that other coffee company, I would be in HEAVEN!!!!

After reading about 23 pages of a book that made me want to rethink my current take on graphic novels (If you read graphic novels, that's fine.. I just don't get it), I went to Borders yet again on my quest to find a book that didn't suck. They had put up a table with books that were buy one get one half off. And there it was... "Bitter is the New Black, or why you should never carry a Prada bag to the unemployment office." The title itself grabbed my attention. Unemployment office???  I'm not the only one that doesn't have a job!! Maybe its wrong for me to find solace in that fact, but hey... I am only human. I immediately bought the book. I figured anything with a title as sarcastic as the thoughts going through my head was worth $13.00 if nothing else but to brag to my friends about the title. 


I knew it had to be a good book when I walked into a restaurant at lunch and the waitress, spying the book I had just sat down on the edge of my table, said "I just finished that book and I LOVED (she really went all high pitch-y here) it!!" This girl with her Lisa Lobe glasses and stringy hair pulled back in a messy twist looked like someone who I could take sarcastic book advice from. She looked like my kind of jadded. 


I breezed through the book in two days. It was awesome. I called Meghan after I was only 30 pages in. I started telling her about every thing I found funny in the book. I barely remembered to stop and take a breath. I was instantly smitten with Jen's writing style and her sarcasm. Her writing sounds just like my inner monologue. I told her she had to go out and buy it ASAP. She didn't. (Apparently I didn't convey my enthusiasm enough, or maybe its because no one ever listens to me.)


My point in all of this... 


I hate change. I literally hurts my heart when my life is up rooted. (Remind me to write about the time I moved.) This book saved my sanity. I am free falling into oblivion (ok, maybe its dramatic, but that's how I feel right now) and the book made me realize I am not the only one. Its what inspired me to start writing my own blog. Not because I expect a book deal like she did, but because when she started her blog, it was cathartic. I thought... what's good enough for the goose is good enough for the jobless gander, si? 


Now I think I would be completely remiss if I didn't tell you to first... go get the book, "Bitter Is The New Black" .Then go to Jen Lancaster's blog. I promise you will not be disapointed.   


She is coming out with a new book on May 5th and because of that she will be in Atlanta on May 15th signing that book. You had better BELIEVE I will be there trying to convince her that we MUST be friends. I have started drafting my letter to her and it goes a little something like this:

Dear Ms Lancastster Jen, 

I think we need to be best friends. I can't think of a single reason why we should not be friends. You like Lacoste, I like Lacoste. You like Prada, I like Prada. You obviously like you, and I like you too. When I read your writing, it's like you are in my head know exactly where I am coming from. In order to facilitate our new, growing friendship I am willing to go on the rest of your book tour in order to give you inspiration. Please do not thank me, it's the least I can do considering I feel like you saved my life. I think we will be sharing beauty tips and boy stories in no time. I can't wait to hang out! Call Me!!!!


-Jen (not Lancaster.... but isn't it funny we have the same name?)

I am expecting the restraining order any day now.

Sometimes you gotta let your crazy shine...

I get the same general reaction when I tell someone for the first time that I quit my job. It's probably the same one that you are having right now. "You QUIT your job in THIS economy?" "What in the hell are you thinking?" "What are you going to do?"

The last question I find particularly humorous. At first I want to scream at them. I'm going to look for another job you moron. But honestly... I QUIT MY JOB... who's the moron?

The factors that lead to my ultimate joblessness are numerous. The underlying factor... I was miserable. I learned something very valuable about myself the past few years, and that is I can only make myself believe I am happy for so long, that and no matter what, Meghan is always right. She predicted my unhappiness long before I was willing to admit it. I have never met someone with the ability to be tuned in like she is. She also has the unsettling job as my best friend to tell me the things I don't want to hear.

Let me make this very clear… I SUCK at sales. I have all of the natural traits that would lend themselves to a good sales(wo)man. I am a people person, I have a bubbly personality, and I can talk for the sake of talking and make you feel like I am honestly interested in what it is you are saying. I can sell a candidate to the public and ask for you to vote for him without blinking an eye. But there is something about pressuring people for money that makes my stomach knot up. At my previous job everyone told me I would go far if only I could polish my closing skills. The problem: I didn’t want to.

And this is where my quarter-life crises first began. I am an ambitious person by nature. A trait that is growing the older I get. When I first graduated from college I was unsure of what I was going to do. I joined a temp agency that ultimately took me to a job in which I excelled. They were so impressed with my temping skills that they created a position for me and hired me on permanently. (toot toot) I was fully prepared to create a career out of perforated metal. I even envisioned a Halloween costume around my stumbled on profession. (Let your imagination run wild!) I was doing so well that my manager came to me after a year and told me they wanted to promote me to sales. I thought this was going to be a great opportunity for me to make a lot of money, be challenged, and progress through the company. Ah yes, I had great visions of running the company one day. I didn’t realize at the time my ego was being stroked that it would be the worst decision I have made in my life thus far. I did really well at first. Everyone told me what a good job I was doing. I was thrown into the position with no formal training. I was “the go to girl” that learned almost everything by bringing product videos home and watching them. I took my first sales call, albeit by accident, a week after I started. I jumped on the phone and used my people skills to make the customers feel at ease while I fumbled through the 1980’s DOS operating system. But then the new wore off. My manager started in on me about my closing skills. I wasn’t “forceful” enough at the end of the calls. I didn’t ask for the order the right way. I started dreading going to work and longing to do something I loved. Selling metal was not it. I wished for the days I felt like I was accomplishing something, standing up for what I believed in, being a part of something much bigger than myself. I missed politics. I missed policy. I missed the debate.

When the economy took its nose dive, things at work got worse. My boss’ bosses were on him and in turn, he took it out on us. My being new meant I had the worse sales, so I was an easy target. I was unhappy with what I was doing and now the environment in which I spent the majority of my days was morose. I really did try to make things work, to get over the fact that every day as I drove to work I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. The job was making me sick and depressed. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I started dreading hanging out with my friends. (one of my favorite things to do) I hated my life and where it was headed.

Then one day I was called into my manager’s office. The meeting went badly to say the least. I was furious and sad. I had a feeling that my days there were numbered. There had already been a round of layoffs, around 100 people, and more were rumored to be around the corner. Although I didn’t think I was going to have the same courtesy of a severance package. I was insulted and degraded during that meeting and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I am a lucky girl. I realize that. I have the most amazing support system in the entire world. I have great friends who love me and parents I couldn’t have hand picked any better. Because of that, I was able to walk into that hell hole the very next day and give them my resignation. I told them exactly where they could stick their degrading comments and NEVER again were they going to make me feel like pond scum. The conversation went something like this.

Me: I have had time to think about what you said yesterday. I can’t continue to work for someone who treats their employees so poorly.

Boss: Ok, you can get your stuff and leave. We have your address; we will mail your final check.

Me: Thanks.

Boss: Good luck.

OK… so maybe I didn’t damn him to all eternity, but in my mind….

I felt so free, so alive. The sun was shinning and I drove all the way to Charlotte with the windows down and my radio blasting my “happy” playlist. I spent the entire weekend without feeling sick to my stomach for the first time in a year.

It wasn’t until the following Tuesday that the weight of what I had done hit me like a Mac truck full of cement. I quit my job. I kept repeating it over and over to myself as tears streamed down my face. What am I going to do?

Normally, quitting a job to move on to something you care about and that will make you happy is very admirable. People congratulate you on your passion and ambition. But, as is the case with so much of my life, the timing was bad. I quit my job with 8.1% unemployment, the worst unemployment rate in 20 years. This is the catalyst for the wide-eyed looks and insulting questions. Everyone knows the economy is bad, I know the economy is bad. (after looking for a job, I REALLY know the economy is bad) If I had a dollar for every time I have heard, “I’m just thankful to have a job,” I would be a rich woman. But at what point is enough, enough? For me it was when my job started making me physically ill. I want a job that I can be happy with, that utilizes my talents (as well as my degree), and one that I can make my career.

So…. I have quit my job and my quarter-life crisis is in full swing. Nothing like finding out who you are at 26. I guess better now that 56 with a family. Wish me luck!!!